a letter to my 2011 self/2012 resolutions

dear self...

first, accept that this exercise is purely and embarrassingly self-indulgent, and the irony is that after plunging into the world of social media and in-the-moment self-disclosure, you're even less able to piece together a cohesive narrative of what has happened this past year. but somehow, it does feel important to try to put together a history of sorts because 2012 already feels like we're at the cusp of... something big.

this year was, like every other year, full of notable "firsts". first visits (and hopefully not last!) to greece and paris. first time serving as a matron of honor. first "real" camera. you and the hubs started making the inexorable (inevitable?) transition to the mac universe. first baby strawberries to survive the neglected garden. first trips to random norcal attractions- sonoma, muir woods, food festivals.

you were ambivalent about most of the notable "lasts". last family medicine call. last mommy call. last chance for a continuity delivery as a resident. there's also the looming, currently all-consuming question about whether certain events will have been the last time ever.... e.g. last visit to the state fair. last trip to apple hill.

professionally, it's been really gratifying to finally feel the years of training sink in and settle fairly comfortably. i have faith that we might just turn out ok after graduation. and waddaya know, it turns out that you don't hate teaching! you just hate teaching when you're frazzled and time-crunched and stressed out... but actually even then, it's not the teaching that's painful, it's the consequences of our inefficiency that kill us.

personally, i found it very enlightening that without trying very hard at all (though *ahem* you WERE supposed to be trying quite hard), you were able to drop some pounds. apparently, having most weekends free and bathing in the light at the end of the tunnel seems to agree with your metabolism. i hope to keep up the healthy habits that you tried to implement... and to ride your shiny new bike around more frequently.

so, bravo on getting us through this past year. things to work on in the next year... faith, hope and love. keep the faith even though the decisions that loom large seem completely beyond the ability of two mere humans to make with some measure of wisdom. work on your faith, now that you've been able to peer through the fog of cynicism. hope for good things to come, but work so that they do. and love- you could do a much better job of being a loving wife, daughter, sister... and particularly if there should be a significant move or change in the next 6 months, a loving friend. we've been blessed with wonderful friends, and it's always important to nurture those relationships.

here's to the year of the dragon.

love,

the (early) 2012 me