so it's not a little ironic that the next post after one entitled "happy times" should be about not-so-happy times. but such is life.
the end of 2009 was hard. i'm hoping that 2010 is better.
here's a brief summary of my travails, with a disclaimer that in the grand scheme of things, things could definitely be a lot worse... so please bear with my self-indulgent ranting for a bit.
after 2 straight months of inpatient medicine, plus 2 weeks of jeopardy over the holidays, i was/am about ready to call it a day and find a new calling. i had the worst personnel issues of my life, ran my first and hopefully only code blue ever (i'm still haunted by every single decision i made- he survived, only to be put on comfort care), jeopardized someone for the first time in my life, got jeopardized back to the VA for an overnight call which just cemented my self-diagnosis of PTSD, and decided that one of my academic departments seems to hate any possibility of change and therefore is doomed to mediocrity. i'm a little bitter. just a little. having free weekends and adequate sleep are helping with my recovery, but it's slow going.
but while my work life was imploding, something much more insidious was going on... there was a mass growing in my father-in-law's colon, and it finally decided to burst in the beginning of december. we flew out to michigan in haste, after being informed by my father-in-law's surgeon that he needed emergency surgery for a large colonic mass which has apparently perforated his bowel, such that he now had a large walled-off intraperitoneal abscess. in addition, there was evidence of multiple metastatic appearing lesions in his liver and lung. i think it is truly a miracle that he survived the perforation, given the stoicism/stubbornness that led to him waiting the several days it must have taken to wall that abscess off. we arrived perioperatively, and were able to stay a few days before flying back. i'm happy to say he's now recovering quite well and looking to start chemo in a few weeks. still, we'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
the new year has been a great occasion to appreciate all of my many blessings, so i feel very grateful for all that i have and the loved ones in my life... perhaps all the more because it becomes more and more clear that life is very short. my new year's resolution? living life day by day.
