blah.

i dunno what it was... but for some reason, this afternoon i got a whole bunch of axis II (personality disorder) patients. two women who talked my ear off and nearly drowned me in their treacherous oceans of self-pity, and one really, really, really weird dude. the guy wouldn't give me a chief complaint, then clammed up and wouldn't tell me anything because, as he put it, "i'll just wait for the doctor". now, you must understand, as a med student, that's probably one of the most frustrating things to hear... for many reasons. first of all, the reality is that med students will listen to patients much more carefully and for a much longer period of time than any "doctor" ever will... partially because the most valuable resource we can offer is time, as opposed to experience. secondly, those comments just echo whatever measure of self-doubt i harbor as a student, and ultimately serve to undermine the "therapeutic relationship". but most of all, i just felt rejected. nevermind that it was by a nutty sociopath... i try my darnedest to get my patients to like me, and it still bothers me when they don't. yeah... so i have my own issues.

i felt so drained. completely exhausted. i can't imagine having a close family member or friend with a serious psych disorder.... i dunno how these people manage to have ANY close acquaintances. of course, the sad part is, most of them don't. it's days like this that make me fantasize about having my own practice and weeding out the patients i don't wanna see.
i don't wanna sell out, but it sure is tempting sometimes.

studying hard or hardly studying?

cafe flore, san francisco

top 5 moments of the week

5. getting some good feedback from my attendings... my very own sally field moment ("you like me, you really like me!?!")

4. googling my roommate's potential blind date, then laughing hysterically at his headshot for 15 minutes (i know, i'm mean)

3. discovering sacto's farmers' market on sunday mornings, all bustling, vibrant, fresh and cheap

2. finding out that my car is FINALLY outta the shop (german efficiency my A$$! :p)

1. a lively discussion about how lois lane might have reacted to getting knocked up without knowing who the father was, and who exactly is the bitchiest queen on project runway with two lovely psych interns

sac-town blues

today was the first day in a LONG time that i ate all of my meals alone.

i'm lonely already. i miss andy/home. my tolerance/enthusiasm for traveling (solo) has dwindled down to practically nothing. and to think, this is the same girl who flew off to south america alone, four years ago. jeez, i can't even take a road trip up to sacramento without moping. it's so true... relationships change you, make you weak. sigh. anyway, i'm hoping that i'll be able to channel my melancholy into true productivity... so much to do, so much.

when i met my new roommate for the month, i realized that it's been a long time since i've had to meet a new person.. socially, that is. i felt pretty darn weird... i guess it's kinda like riding a bike- you never really forget how to interact with people, but you're pretty wobbly for awhile when you start it up again.

so my neighborhood is in the middle of nowhere, but surrounded by lots of new housing and yuppie shopping centers... kinda like rancho cucamonga. haven't had a chance to really explore sacramento yet, but i'm hoping to see more of the city in my quest for free wifi in coffeeshops. i have to say, it is sorta exciting.... if i am so fortunate as to get a spot up here for residency.... this could be my new home for the next 5 years! sigh. i'm getting ahead of myself. i'm just gonna try to get through this crucial week of first impressions. we'll see where it goes from there.