of all the things that i wanted my wedding day to be (i.e. happiest, bestest day of my life), the thing that i wanted it LEAST to become was/is a deadline. more specifically, a deadline for losing as much weight as humanly/healthily possible. speaking of which, please excuse the grammar and generally funky english- i'm a little sleep and calorie-deprived.
as i was saying before i was so rudely pushed off track by my errant inconsiderate thoughts, i'm a little concerned with the attitude that i've been adopting as of late, regarding body image. namely, wanted to have as little a body for the best image possible. this is not to say that i don't think i need to lose weight- Lord only knows how well i know THAT... but gosh, i'm becoming freakin obsessed.
the thing is, it would be bad enough if i spiraled into a dark hole of fad dieting and carb-starved depression... i just don't want to drag my bridesmaids down with me. and sadly, i find that every single one of them is worried about body image to some extent. i know that nearly every woman is unhappy with some aspect of their bodies, and of course i sympathize, but damn i feel guilty.
ANYHOO, some good has come out of this extreme dieting that i've been going through recently. all this time i just assumed that i wasn't losing weight because of my lack of self-discipline. i somehow cultivated this idea that i was just too "weak-minded" to restrict myself. i've learned these past few days that this is not the case. i'm STRONG, dammit!! this is a freakin revelation... i'm empowered- grumpy as HELL because of carb-restriction- but ready to tackle this mountain (of flesh, as it were) with all flags flying....... (i love me my mixed metaphors)
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
match day festivities... and the hell that followed
i kid, i kid. sicu isn't hell. the absence of andy isn't hell. (he's in jamaica, living it up with jonk on a sims trip, eating authentic jerk chicken) the sleep deprivation isn't hell. but put it all together, and waddaya got? not a happy camper.
anyhoo, to reflect upon a much brighter, happier, shinier time... here's what we did on match day. first, after the breakfast at our school where we received our envelopes, we went to the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH..
it was andy's first time at disneyland!!! i kept marveling at the fact that something that was so integral and practically archetypal in my childhood was completely absent from his... case in point: he didn't know the "it's a small world" song.
he knows it now.
they totally revamped space mountain and red-hot-chili-pepperized it. i SWEAR it's faster than it was before, and much cooler. or maybe i'm just getting older and more afraid of rollercoasters of any sort. you be the judge.
then, after a day of adventure-fantasy-tomorrow-land wanderings, we found ourselves at my new favorite pre-pantages-show hollywood eatery: magnolia.
we ditched the group dinner with our bajillion friends who also beat the traffic to eat around the pantages, and walked a few doors down to our restaurant. i've been wanting to eat here for a year. and i wasn't disappointed. twas cute, hipster but not poser-ish, with upgraded versions of american comfort food. started with a decent salad. then, we had the yummiest onion rings i've ever tasted, and a meat loaf to DIE for. my fish dish turned out too dry at first, then too raw, so i can't give the full two thumbs-up.... but the vanilla creme brulee at the end cemented magnolia's spot on my top 10 in LA list. PERFECTLY crisp burnt sugar, perfectly smooth texture, yummy berries as garnish... one of the best creme brulees of my life. and i've had MORE than my fair share. i'm such a sucker for the sweets. to add to the hollywood glam factor, andy saw two celebrities at the restaurant- albeit B or C list stars whose names we couldn't remember- but celebrities nonetheless. :)
then.... we topped off our day of celebration with what is NOW on the top of my best musicals list..........
the glitz, the glamour, the talent, the stage design, the costumes, the music, the lyrics, the story, the audience.... one perfect combination. one truly enjoyable and entertaining evening.
it was a great day.
anyhoo, to reflect upon a much brighter, happier, shinier time... here's what we did on match day. first, after the breakfast at our school where we received our envelopes, we went to the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH..
it was andy's first time at disneyland!!! i kept marveling at the fact that something that was so integral and practically archetypal in my childhood was completely absent from his... case in point: he didn't know the "it's a small world" song.
he knows it now.
they totally revamped space mountain and red-hot-chili-pepperized it. i SWEAR it's faster than it was before, and much cooler. or maybe i'm just getting older and more afraid of rollercoasters of any sort. you be the judge.
then, after a day of adventure-fantasy-tomorrow-land wanderings, we found ourselves at my new favorite pre-pantages-show hollywood eatery: magnolia.
we ditched the group dinner with our bajillion friends who also beat the traffic to eat around the pantages, and walked a few doors down to our restaurant. i've been wanting to eat here for a year. and i wasn't disappointed. twas cute, hipster but not poser-ish, with upgraded versions of american comfort food. started with a decent salad. then, we had the yummiest onion rings i've ever tasted, and a meat loaf to DIE for. my fish dish turned out too dry at first, then too raw, so i can't give the full two thumbs-up.... but the vanilla creme brulee at the end cemented magnolia's spot on my top 10 in LA list. PERFECTLY crisp burnt sugar, perfectly smooth texture, yummy berries as garnish... one of the best creme brulees of my life. and i've had MORE than my fair share. i'm such a sucker for the sweets. to add to the hollywood glam factor, andy saw two celebrities at the restaurant- albeit B or C list stars whose names we couldn't remember- but celebrities nonetheless. :)
then.... we topped off our day of celebration with what is NOW on the top of my best musicals list..........
the glitz, the glamour, the talent, the stage design, the costumes, the music, the lyrics, the story, the audience.... one perfect combination. one truly enjoyable and entertaining evening.
it was a great day.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
oh! the suspense
i will know where i will work, sleep, eat, breathe and live for the next 5 years in T-MINUS 36 HOURS.
it's killing me.
it's killing me.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
commodity whore
hi, my name is michelle, and i'm an addict. drug of choice? stuff. my sugar habit is kinda out of control too... but hey, i can quit that anytime.... *coff*
so anyway, i've been fighting this particular addiction for quite some time- thought i was just gonna quit cold turkey, but that's the thing about addictions... they sneak up on ya when you let your guard down. i've realized how important "stuff" has become in my life, and how it has infiltrated my expectations for the future, since discussing things with the fiancee. i'm not proud. in fact, i'm a little ashamed.
i ogle the iphone, lust after the lexus rx hybrid, drool over the things i see at Luxist or engadget... oh the list of desirable consumer goods is endless.
i'm taking a page from AA, and gonna try to work the steps. i don't mean to cheapen the process by applying it to what is probably a fairly trivial issue... yet at the same time, i think it's wrong to minimize the problem that i (and most americans) have with our capitalist consumer-driven culture. in any case, i think it's a worthy application.
here goes step one. i'm admitting that i am powerless over my desire for stuff, and that my life is becoming (or very well could become) unmanageable in my drive to accumulate goods.
only 11 more to go.
so anyway, i've been fighting this particular addiction for quite some time- thought i was just gonna quit cold turkey, but that's the thing about addictions... they sneak up on ya when you let your guard down. i've realized how important "stuff" has become in my life, and how it has infiltrated my expectations for the future, since discussing things with the fiancee. i'm not proud. in fact, i'm a little ashamed.
i ogle the iphone, lust after the lexus rx hybrid, drool over the things i see at Luxist or engadget... oh the list of desirable consumer goods is endless.
i'm taking a page from AA, and gonna try to work the steps. i don't mean to cheapen the process by applying it to what is probably a fairly trivial issue... yet at the same time, i think it's wrong to minimize the problem that i (and most americans) have with our capitalist consumer-driven culture. in any case, i think it's a worthy application.
here goes step one. i'm admitting that i am powerless over my desire for stuff, and that my life is becoming (or very well could become) unmanageable in my drive to accumulate goods.
only 11 more to go.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
random pic update!
i will attempt, in pseudo-michel-gondry style, to fill in the gaps since the last post. which is to say, these pics are chosen at random, are not related, not in chronological order, and may or may not be completely irrelevant to what's "really" going on in my life. in other news... don't watch The Science of Sleep, gondry's latest. Looooved Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and really liked Dave Chapelle's Block Party. but with this new one... i'm totally disappointed. c'est la vie... and now, the pictures...
to the right, the amazing flying tackle of jonk kim. this super action shot was taken by sue jean park, amateur sports photographer ;) during the pre-super bowl CKSDA football game out in temecula. and btw, don't feel too sorry for the dude being tackled.... he kept on running.
hey, speaking of football.... yes, let us not speak of the ultimately crushing results.... instead, let us celebrate the fact that we were AT THE ROSE BOWL.
now this little pup's name is chai. she's adorable. she belongs to jimmy, and at this point, her eyes were still shut tight. her eyes are open now... and she's still adorable.
and on the right... what several lovely ladies posing for a post-engagement party (yes it was mine) photo-op look like when a stroller is shoved into the picture.
to the right, the amazing flying tackle of jonk kim. this super action shot was taken by sue jean park, amateur sports photographer ;) during the pre-super bowl CKSDA football game out in temecula. and btw, don't feel too sorry for the dude being tackled.... he kept on running.
hey, speaking of football.... yes, let us not speak of the ultimately crushing results.... instead, let us celebrate the fact that we were AT THE ROSE BOWL.
now this little pup's name is chai. she's adorable. she belongs to jimmy, and at this point, her eyes were still shut tight. her eyes are open now... and she's still adorable.
and on the right... what several lovely ladies posing for a post-engagement party (yes it was mine) photo-op look like when a stroller is shoved into the picture.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
where art thou, toto?
these past few weeks have been crazy. a whirlwind of activity and change, if you will. these days, i feel like dorothy must have felt when she first stepped into that technicolor dreamland of oz... completely lost, exhilarated, terrified and ecstatic at the same time.
"the fiancee" and i pretty much spent (what feels like) the majority of our 2 weeks of christmas break in various vehicles of transportation. flew back and forth from michigan. witnessed the crash-and-burn of the michigan football team. (at least i learned the fight songs! not quite as awesome as the "give-'em-the-ax" cheers o' my alma mater, but decent) drove up the 101/PCH to ventura for an interview, then explored a bit of the gorgeous central coast. continued our drive to sacramento, for several other interviews and dinners. foodie aside: of note, mikuni for a superb hip sushi joint experience, biba for the best osso buco and tiramisu we've ever tasted, ettore's for a mighty tasty fruit tart, and the house of marina mccarron for impeccable, marvelously executed dinner parties.
so. i've been busy. plus, there's that little event coming up in 4 months.... gaaaaaaaah. wedding planning is not NEARLY as glamorous as i thought it might be.... however, i have managed to get quite a bit done. ceremony and reception venues, CHECK. wedding dress, CHECK. bridesmaids' dresses, CHECK. ok... so that's all that i have done thus far.... my anxiety level is ratcheting up every time i look at one of those wedding plan checklists that EVERY bridal magazine seems obligated to provide, in proportion to every unchecked item that "should" have been done 9-12 months in advance. phew... in any case, i think i have my priorities straight. my short-term goal and wish is to avoid the bridezilla complex, but ultimately, all i care about is that i look friggin hot on my wedding day. oh and, that everything goes perfectly. that's all. ;)
then, there's the other little matter of where i'll be for the next 3-5 years of my life. i've never had to experience the gauntlet of multiple interviews before, so it's been an educational and exhausting journey.... almost done, just one more on friday. i've started to let my guard down during interviews, which is a euphemism for random rambling and barely appropriate giggles during conversation, so i think it's just about time to STOP. the residency match is an amazing process, because somehow most people either end up or convince themselves that they've ended up at the right place.... despite this totally superficial and marginally useful ritual of interviews. i guess this is kinda how people must feel about dating- you're both on your best behavior during the first date... then slowly, you let the real and the crazy out little by little. except with the match, you get MARRIED after the first date. and no, there's no option of annulment. you could get "divorced", but it's similarly messy and painful. sigh. it takes a lot of faith.
must force self to sleep now. mental function shutting down. totally regretting that decaf (but there's still some caffeine!!) soy caramel macchiato. hoping to dream of beautiful ruby slippers, and perchance, to find my yellow brick road.
"the fiancee" and i pretty much spent (what feels like) the majority of our 2 weeks of christmas break in various vehicles of transportation. flew back and forth from michigan. witnessed the crash-and-burn of the michigan football team. (at least i learned the fight songs! not quite as awesome as the "give-'em-the-ax" cheers o' my alma mater, but decent) drove up the 101/PCH to ventura for an interview, then explored a bit of the gorgeous central coast. continued our drive to sacramento, for several other interviews and dinners. foodie aside: of note, mikuni for a superb hip sushi joint experience, biba for the best osso buco and tiramisu we've ever tasted, ettore's for a mighty tasty fruit tart, and the house of marina mccarron for impeccable, marvelously executed dinner parties.
so. i've been busy. plus, there's that little event coming up in 4 months.... gaaaaaaaah. wedding planning is not NEARLY as glamorous as i thought it might be.... however, i have managed to get quite a bit done. ceremony and reception venues, CHECK. wedding dress, CHECK. bridesmaids' dresses, CHECK. ok... so that's all that i have done thus far.... my anxiety level is ratcheting up every time i look at one of those wedding plan checklists that EVERY bridal magazine seems obligated to provide, in proportion to every unchecked item that "should" have been done 9-12 months in advance. phew... in any case, i think i have my priorities straight. my short-term goal and wish is to avoid the bridezilla complex, but ultimately, all i care about is that i look friggin hot on my wedding day. oh and, that everything goes perfectly. that's all. ;)
then, there's the other little matter of where i'll be for the next 3-5 years of my life. i've never had to experience the gauntlet of multiple interviews before, so it's been an educational and exhausting journey.... almost done, just one more on friday. i've started to let my guard down during interviews, which is a euphemism for random rambling and barely appropriate giggles during conversation, so i think it's just about time to STOP. the residency match is an amazing process, because somehow most people either end up or convince themselves that they've ended up at the right place.... despite this totally superficial and marginally useful ritual of interviews. i guess this is kinda how people must feel about dating- you're both on your best behavior during the first date... then slowly, you let the real and the crazy out little by little. except with the match, you get MARRIED after the first date. and no, there's no option of annulment. you could get "divorced", but it's similarly messy and painful. sigh. it takes a lot of faith.
must force self to sleep now. mental function shutting down. totally regretting that decaf (but there's still some caffeine!!) soy caramel macchiato. hoping to dream of beautiful ruby slippers, and perchance, to find my yellow brick road.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
my early christmas gift
at approximately 4:45pm, one week ago... on a deserted beach in malibu...
he asked...............
and i said yes.
he asked...............
and i said yes.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
the big 2-5
my cup overflowed this year for my birthday........
i got to eat yummy desserts in san diego @ just fabulous.... (friday)
had cake @ sharon & jimmy's house party... (saturday)
then got treated to a pedicure, followed by a *surprise* dinner party at claimjumpers... (sunday)
on my actual birthday, i had a lovely evening @ the saesims' (hello?! best episodes of heroes + studio 60, without commercial interruptions??! bless you tivo inventor, bless you...) i finished up my birthday festivities with a dinner with my family yesterday.
all in all, though i was forced - yet again - to celebrate another bday without my bday twin, youn aka manbo, it was a good one. i'm so blessed with friends and family, i couldn't possibly hope for anything more. thanks to everyone for a fabulous start to a new year of life!!!
Friday, December 01, 2006
too much me
interview season is rough. particularly when you're at the interviews that really matter. can't sleep because i'm thinking of the thousands of words i said throughout the course of the day, and wishing that i'd just SHUT UP instead. they tell you "be yourself"- or rather, the best version of yourself. i'm tired of trying to be the best "me". because what if it's not enough? or worse... not really you?
one of the residents tried to "psychologize" me today... we were talking about family- younger siblings, specifically, and at some point she said, "so how does that make you feel?" i bristled immediately- internally, of course. i suppose that's part of the inherent risk of interviewing for a family-PSYCHIATRY combined residency, but.... yech. at LEAST have to decency to cover it up.
one of the residents tried to "psychologize" me today... we were talking about family- younger siblings, specifically, and at some point she said, "so how does that make you feel?" i bristled immediately- internally, of course. i suppose that's part of the inherent risk of interviewing for a family-PSYCHIATRY combined residency, but.... yech. at LEAST have to decency to cover it up.
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